Sunshine

I told somebody something personal.
I’m working on it. I’m surviving. Somehow, I’m getting better. I’m healing. I’ve bitten the dust and gotten back up. I am alive.
I have no regrets; only a past spattered with shotgun shells. Light shines holes in my heart like stained glass. Slowly my lungs fill with air; I can breathe tonight.
Don’t ask me about tomorrow.

21

21 things I love about living:

21. That feeling you get when you win.
20. Pugs.
19. Knowing that no matter how many times you mess up, you get another chance at life itself.
18. Song choruses.
17. Sitting in my car and feeling like the world is ending, then getting out of my car feeling okay.
16. I love lights.
15. A hug that changes my world, if only for two minutes.
14. Getting a random text from someone I care about.
13. Poetry.
12. Singing a worship song, and having it be your prayer.
11. The ability to love, no matter how afraid I am of it.
10. The smell of roses.
9. Closing my eyes and simply imagining.
8. Playing my piano.
7. Seeing a freshly dragged softball field.
6. Learning something that changes my whole outlook on life.
5. Listening to someone who needs help.
4. Standing in the middle of a hailstorm.
3. Looking at old pictures of friends.
2. Being told I'm important.
1. Finding purpose.

I am saved, I am being saved, and I will be saved.

"However, if the men of Corinth are looking to follow the path of Christ, and are looking for ways to set their hearts right and become human, then their immature humanity has a hope that can be found through Christ. The path of Christ follows the thought process “I am saved, I am being saved, and I will be saved.” This path maintains that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He has saved us in the past by dying on the cross, He saves us from the sin we commit every day, and He will continue to save us from now until eternity. One might think that Paul wrote them, saying they were mere men in the hope that even though he considered them as human, they would grow and mature over time, thereby becoming human, in the same way that Jesus Christ has become our Savior."

Hail

When I look outside, I see that the world is finally in tune to my heart. The pounding of ice hitting a undeserved asphalt floor, the cold and unfeeling wind biting those who face it, the rain struggling to regain its upper hand in the fight for precipitation makes me feel at peace. Finally the sky understands the angry denial and storm that reaches down to my very bones.
Why would I choose hail?
It represents me.
The hailstorm of anger and arrogance parades in my soul.
My mind is that pounding ice, telling me that I'm not good enough.
My heart is that stinging wind, howling at those who have hurt me.
But my soul is that rain, fighting to regain ground. My soul softly comes around after the outbreak of the ice and wind. My soul reminds me that I am enough for the world around me.
And just as the sun breaks as the rain softly falls and the hail abates, so does the love that I cannot see. It permeates my center, spreading until all is silent except His words: I love you, my child. Come home.

Rainy Day

Rainy Day Playlist:

1. Crack the Shutters- Snow Patrol

you know that feeling when you first wake up, and all you want to do is snuggle? This is by far the BEST song for that.

2. Kiss Quick- Matt Nathanson

It's a "driving and contemplating" song, to be sure. The words sound like breezy clouds.

3. Wondering Where You Are -Tyrone Wells

It's just one of those songs that you can take a nap to.

4. Out of Breath -Jared Lee

This is a thunderstorm song. It makes me so angry, and yet it's so beautiful.

5. Closing Time -Alex Goot (he's not the original, but the COVER is on the playlist.)

One word for his voice - soothing.

6. Paradise -Coldplay

Every rainy day is paradise.

7. Baby Blue Eyes -A Rocket to the Moon

I don't know, it just sounds like rain.

Sometimes songs speak feelings that the mouth could never say. And sometimes life is just a thunderstorm away. <3

Imagine That.

The world at fingertips bent

Will for'er be out of reach.

And life was never meant

for falsehoods that we preach.

"The hurt will always go away,

The hope will soon be found."

Lies just meant to save the day

that fall into the ground.

Incite some raw emotion hence

Or dust will cleave to dust.

All that's worse than feeling sense

Is knowing naught at all.

There are no ways to stay the same

Change is always nigh;

And knowing it's not self to blame

Relieves a single sigh.

A Pre-Raphaelite Fascination with Arthuriana

Willows whiten, aspens quiver,
Little breezes dusk and shiver
Through the wave that runs for ever
By the island in the river
Flowing down to Camelot.
Four gray walls, and four gray towers,
Overlook a space of flowers,
And the silent isle imbowers

The Lady of Shalott.

-Alfred, Lord Tennyson.

I hope nobody compares themselves to the Lady of Shalott. Her story is so sad and tortured, one just has to feel for her. She offers her life to the man she loves, who has given her good reason that he loves her back. I mean, come on. If you give a girl good reason, at least make an effort. But when Elaine of Astolat begs him to stay and marry her, he refuses due to his love for Guinevere (Arthur's wife). First of all, Elaine should never have begged. I bet he was giving her some hints, like not answering her calls, maybe not texting her back all the time, hanging out with the guys late at night, coming in with lipstick on the collar, and the scent of Calvin Klein's "F&S" (fine and smooth) hanging in the air. She should have guessed. Second of all, Lancelot totally led her on. I mean, we all know those Frenchmen; they like the chase. They toy with you, they say they love you, they say you're the only one they'll ever want, and then they leave you. Even still, it doesn't mean you have to go throw yourself in a boat, play dead, and float in front of his castle. I mean, come on Elaine! It's not going to bring him back. If anything, it's going to bring you a restraining order. I understand where you're coming from, I really do. But couldn't you have at least exacted revenge? Everyone in history feels so bad for you, when you could have just stuck up for yourself and maybe found love elsewhere. Mordred, perhaps?