No Title for a Broken Heart. hahahahaha.

Can't you just leave me alone?
Find someone you're own size to hang on to.
We're done. you chose.
It's the curse of the Tuesdays.

All I Need.

This has been on my heart all day. I know I can never live up to the standards of the greats.. like Andrew Cuff, but i do my best.

All I Need

She never thought that she was alone
Until he left her.
All those thoughts and dreams turned to stone.
Where are you?

I'm holding, I'm clinging
All I am, All I need
Is the promise of tomorrow to bring me to my knees.
All I want, All I need
Is the love that you have shown me, Jesus.
You're all I need.

Every day is a hard-earned fight
To become herself.
But when His prize is so clearly in sight
She knows you're there, I know you're there.

I'm holding, I'm clinging
All I am, All I need
Is the promise of tomorrow to bring me to my knees.
All I want, All I need
Is the love that you have shown me, Jesus.
You're all i need.

Repark the Car, Dang It.

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more
-More, by Matthew West

So i had just finished reparking my car because i did not like the way it was facing, when i decided to have a talk with God. Now please understand, I had not been talking to God for some time due to the fact that I was mad at him.
However, i was unable to say anything. Words could not come out of my mouth because I was literally so angry i could not speak. (Take heed, i did all of this while sitting my car. I've decided that my car is a fitting sanctuary.) I knew that I really needed to talk to God however, and I was going to sit there as long as it took until I stopped being mad. Music usually loosens me up, and i decided for the first time to pass Shakira, Jason DeRulo, even Kelly Clarkson until i was only listening to worship music. One of my favorite songs is More by Matthew West because i firmly believe in God's love. While I was doubting his faithfulness, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that He loved me more than I could possibly know. So when my ipod randomly started playing that song, I gave up and lost myself in His love.

He loves me more that the sun and the stars the He taught how to shine. I am his. I shine so brightly for Him too. He loves me. Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow. Jesus Christ will say it again and again. He loves me more.

That's what that song is saying. God loves me more than things people worship. More than the awe-inspiring nature He has created. He created me to shine with His love. Nothing. Else. Matters. Ever. Nobody's opinions, nobody's laws, nobody's mandates. I am me. And I don't have to answer to any standards but Gods. It's so refreshing.

Birthday Cake

There's nothing that can hurt worse than the feeling of being unwanted.

Is It Really My Fault?

Some things I will never understand. Some, i'm not meant to understand. Some, i am meant to understand, but are so far beyond me i don't even try. One thing that i am really trying to wrap my head around is the importance of sex in our culture.

Yeah, you heard me. I said the s-e-x word. I said sex. As in sexual intercourse. Would you like me to be a little more graphic? No? Oh wait, society has already ripped the significance and sanctity of the act to shreds.

But what i cannot wrap my head around is why it dominates every SINGLE part of our life, culture, and society, even if it isn't on purpose. At the risk of being inappropriate, A goes in B, thereby producing C (the elusive and god-forsaken orgasm). What is so special about this? Why does it seem to be the ULTIMATE forbidden fruit? The thing we as Christians think we miss out on so badly in a moral and Godly relationship. Other primitive urges we seem able to handle: anger, hatred, envy, greed. Major problems arise from these other urges, it's true. But lust seems to be the crux of life. Why? What monster have we created for ourselves? This lust driven world we live in is so ridiculous: i am unable to live an hour in this world without being blasted at some point or another by some form of sexual innuendo, crude comment, or self-focused sexual urge.

Yeah, you heard me. I mentioned that I have sexual urges. I'm not gonna lie. Probably more than i should have, for a girl of my age. These urges have been a major point of the undoing of my spiritual relationship with God. I thought i was on the right track; how could something as meaningless and trivial as a sexual urge bring me down? But, in my defense, I grew up in this world. I am the one who has to walk around looking at what society tells me is attractive, sexy, hot, fulfilling, satisfying, and needed. What else am i supposed to think?

You Can't Save Yourself

and yes, i do realize that i am posting twice. however. this one is an old one, but very thought provoking and rather emotional. a fitting note.

you. you. you. you.
get out.
of my head.
you live in my heart.
escape now, while you have the chance.
Because i'm a nut job for you.

you. you.
Have i explained that you stifle me?
I'm choking. I'm smothered.
I am buried alive in a world of self-loathing and regret.
I thought you.
you. you. you.
could save me. But you didn't.
You gave someone else a shot. You gave the shot to me.
But don't you know? You can't save yourself.

Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally

Wearing moccasins hides my tracks
I run so i don't face the facts
That you're gone, never coming back.
I've replaced my heart with something worse
It feels like I've placed a curse
Upon the best of me.

My own worst enemy is this thing known as my heart
You hate me, you hurt me, you leave me with
My own worst enemy is tearing me apart
You burn me, you cut me, you leave me with

Hidden myself among the ashes
As the tears fall from my lashes
I have no choice but to accept the broken
And face the worst of me.