A Pre-Raphaelite Fascination with Arthuriana

Willows whiten, aspens quiver,
Little breezes dusk and shiver
Through the wave that runs for ever
By the island in the river
Flowing down to Camelot.
Four gray walls, and four gray towers,
Overlook a space of flowers,
And the silent isle imbowers

The Lady of Shalott.

-Alfred, Lord Tennyson.

I hope nobody compares themselves to the Lady of Shalott. Her story is so sad and tortured, one just has to feel for her. She offers her life to the man she loves, who has given her good reason that he loves her back. I mean, come on. If you give a girl good reason, at least make an effort. But when Elaine of Astolat begs him to stay and marry her, he refuses due to his love for Guinevere (Arthur's wife). First of all, Elaine should never have begged. I bet he was giving her some hints, like not answering her calls, maybe not texting her back all the time, hanging out with the guys late at night, coming in with lipstick on the collar, and the scent of Calvin Klein's "F&S" (fine and smooth) hanging in the air. She should have guessed. Second of all, Lancelot totally led her on. I mean, we all know those Frenchmen; they like the chase. They toy with you, they say they love you, they say you're the only one they'll ever want, and then they leave you. Even still, it doesn't mean you have to go throw yourself in a boat, play dead, and float in front of his castle. I mean, come on Elaine! It's not going to bring him back. If anything, it's going to bring you a restraining order. I understand where you're coming from, I really do. But couldn't you have at least exacted revenge? Everyone in history feels so bad for you, when you could have just stuck up for yourself and maybe found love elsewhere. Mordred, perhaps?

Disjointed.

It's too dark to find new sights,

And the past is far behind.

There's no point in breathing light,

When blackness shrouds the mind.

Why leave taking risks to chance,

When the end is always near.

How fire fails to sing and dance,

It never leaves so clear.

The empty mists of past regrets

Are never hard to find

Had soul and spirit never met

With memories that bind.

Lift My Feet

Master hands, they hold my ties

They alone know truth and lies.

Master fingers, guide my way

I know I won't be gone astray.

Master mind, know my thoughts

Clear my head to take the shot.

Master heart, make me pure

There is no other with the cure.

Lift my hands, for they are weak.

They do not know how to be meek.

Lift my feet, for they are tired

They never can escape the mire.

Lift my heart, for it is low

Fight the grief that can explode.

Lift my spirit, keep it light

Your joy can penetrate the night.

And if I ever fall away,

Know my sin won't let me stay.

Yeshua Hamashiach.

Move Me

It's time to leave.

To go somewhere new.

My feet are waiting

To be told what to do.

My body is ready,

Yet the problem remains

My heart beats not steady

And my brain cannot move.

These thoughts ensnare the issue at hand.

Am I to die without taking a stand?

New horizons stay inches ahead

I always let others go in my stead.

The glue that holds me sticks to me fast,

These tangles and webs all cling to my past.

Why can't I escape this?

Why can't I move on?

I know in my mind that I haven't done wrong.

It is others that blinded my hopes and my dreams,

nothing I did tore my life off the seams.

The cycle continues,

The drama lives on.

One thing I keep: I'll always be strong.

Be Bigger Than Idiots.

You know those idiots that use their blog to vent about how much they hate their lives?

I could never be one of those anymore. I've read too much boring crap on blogs about people who are extremely self-absorbed, and I've realized how unfulfilling it is to live a life like that. It's one thing to blog about your day, about the events that shape you; however, it's a complete other thing to rant ON AND ON AND ON about events that are MEANINGLESS to others! If you want to talk about yourself, make it private. Write about those events, but don't interest us with a blog that promises creativity and originality only to crumble into the facade of endless raves. You'd be an idiot.

You know those idiots that comment anonymously?

GOSH. If you're not brave enough to say it to the world with your name stamped on it, don't say it at all! I am the first to say that I have commented twice anonymously on blogs: once to back up a friend that needed backing up, and once as a joke on my brother's wall when he obviously knew it was me. Both times I have admitted it was me. I'm talking about the trash talking, evil-spreading, scandalous comments that have people scratching their heads and wondering what kind of idiot would post something

without their name on it. I'm tired of blame shifting due to anonymity. Be brave. Be bold. Be bigger than anonymous comments. Don't be an idiot.

You know those idiots that use blogs as their own personal vendetta?

I'm not gonna lie right now. I've had a few vendetta blogs. Not to any extreme with names listed and obvious vendettas revealed, but there have been a few minor rants. However, I'm talking about people who make it their day's goal to make it KNOWN that they hate certain people. How lame can you be, writing a vendetta on a BLOG? Like it's gonna get optioned to be a movie script. "ehmagawd, can you believe how lame ***** is? it's like.. ehmagawd. they WANT ME. they so want me." dude... they're idiots.

You know those idiots that blog about their babies?

Okay, that's cute.

P.S. We Hate You.

5 Things that Chick Flicks Lie About:

5. People going their late twenties and thirties do NOT remain friends with their childhood friends.

That seems to be a common practice in chick flicks: to remain best friends with girls you've known from your childhood that you can still gossip with and trust. Honestly, in the real world that doesn't happen. People grow up and forget about each other for the sake of new friends and boyfriends. suck it up, girls. it happens.

4. People who have white collar jobs are NOT friends with their co-workers and office assistants.

Honestly, who are they trying to fool? No matter what, people do NOT want to take their jobs home, even if they have caring friends at work. The only thing people care about is themselves, especially in a work oriented environment. Climb the corporate ladder and watch out for the bodies falling off the rungs.

3. Women in chick flicks that sleep around HAVE STD'S.

I hate to break it to you, but it's impossible not to have contracted something from bar-hopping and bed-banging. Those movies attempt to depict happy sex jaunts and one night stands, but the truth is that these women have nothing left to offer of themselves when they finally meet the man of their dreams. They have a wedding and a honeymoon, and then what? Do they get to finally explore their sexuality in the context of marriage? No, because they already gave up half the fun-mystery. The mystery of exploration in a marriage bed is saved for exactly that-marriage, and these women are lying to themselves and everyone else if they think sleeping around brings eternal bliss one day.

2. In the real world, all women do not have perfect bodies.

Let's face it ladies. When we watch chick flicks, we compare our own bodies and mindsets to the ones we see on the big screen. Why, then, do we catch ourselves coming up short time and again when we seem to have let "the big fish" get away? Because in the movies we have just finished watching, the perfect women gets the guy! uh... hello. That simply means that only perfect women are able to screw up and still come out on top. Pun intended.

1. You cannot bake a cake, write a news article, or buy a gift to achieve a happy ending.

The movie industry has fooled women into thinking they can buy a happy ending. So many times our heroine has screwed up but fallen in love, thinking their lover can forget the past if only they...write a news article about them? Buy them a car? Rebuild a childhood doll house? come on now. This is reality! In reality, if you screw up AND are ugly?! There is no hope for you. MAYBE if you happen to have ALL of the above four things right as well- perfect body, sleep around w/out STDs, office friends, and remaining friends from your childhood, you can leave a baked cake in the shape of a carrot, hoping your true love will EAT his way into eternal bliss. After all, movies teach us that the way to a man's heart is through his... stomach...right.

"It's So Lonely When You Don't Even Know Yourself."

Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing,
Only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness;
So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another,
Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

Nothing can describe the loneliness of the night. The day may bring faint shadows of memories, but nothing pours hot oil on the soul like the dusk and evening. Every breath is a struggle, every minute is agony when faced with the memories of loss and imperfection.

Nothing can compare to the realization of aloneness. When the world has finally decided to pass you by, content with the juice of life that they have squeezed from their time with you; when those you have called friends cease to recognize your importance on his hallowed ground we call earth; when your very own life caves in upon itself, revealing failure after failure until you're left with absolutely nothing.

Nothing can shape a soul like loneliness. No matter how long it lasts, life becomes broken when those who suffer from this melancholy disease feel alone.

To those who have left me behind:

I will never forgive you.

To those who have found my life too trivial for their own:

I will never forget you.

To those who see through me:

You should be ashamed of yourself. I'm right here. I've been here this whole time.

To those who have judged me:

You hold the right of one who is judged by God, not others.

To those who pretend they love me:

Don't bother. It's so transparent, I could use it as my sliding glass window.

To those who have stuck by me:

You will never know how close I was.

You alone have saved me.

To my ultimate Savior, Jesus Christ:

You paid my price.

You set me free.

You've understood

My agony.

Most Holy One,

Accept my cry.

Thank you for

this gift of life.