Boyproof

"I let you in," I say, "because I thought you liked me."
I head for AP Global History.
"I do like you, " Max says, following me. "that's why i thought I could be honest with you. Egg, i'm not interested in tiptoeing around someone's feelings."
But i can't be honest with Max. I don't say what i really want to say, which is i thought that Max Carter liked me, like a girl, like I was pretty and special.
I can't even see in front of me, I'm so upset.
I get into the classroom, and the early sun's light crosses in lines that make me angry. I slide in behind my desk and slouch into my chair and fume. I try to think about something that makes me happy, but nothing springs to mind. It is all overpowered by my feelings like an idiot for thinking even for half a second that i liked Max or for stupidly thinking that maybe he liked me back. I can't believe i got myself thinking that it was something real. It drives me insane that I would lose to some girl like Nelly.
Girls like Nelly always win.
I'm always going to be invisible.
Max turns around in his chair to face me. I lean over and pretend to dig something out of my bag.
"Don't turn your back on me," Max says.
"I'm not. I'm looking for something."
"Egg..."
"Oh, God! Now I get it," I say. "'Love, and a cough, are not concealed.' That is so lame!"
"You knew that something was going on," Max says. "You never brought it up, either."
"I didn't want to believe it," I say.
"Why is this such a big deal?" Max says.
"Why didn't you tell me? You should've told me. Instead of leading me on."
My heart is bursting. I feel savage.
"I didn't lead you on," Max says defensively.
"Right."
He stares me down, hoping I'll back off. Hoping I'll let him get away with it.
"I guess I didn't want to hae that conversation," Max says quietly. "It seemed complicated."
"There's nothing complicated about it," I say. "you're just another shallow person pretending to be deep."

-boyproof, by cecil castellucci, page 142-143.