Sunday, May 15, 2011

P.S. We Hate You.

5 Things that Chick Flicks Lie About:

5. People going their late twenties and thirties do NOT remain friends with their childhood friends.
That seems to be a common practice in chick flicks: to remain best friends with girls you've known from your childhood that you can still gossip with and trust. Honestly, in the real world that doesn't happen. People grow up and forget about each other for the sake of new friends and boyfriends. suck it up, girls. it happens.

4. People who have white collar jobs are NOT friends with their co-workers and office assistants.
Honestly, who are they trying to fool? No matter what, people do NOT want to take their jobs home, even if they have caring friends at work. The only thing people care about is themselves, especially in a work oriented environment. Climb the corporate ladder and watch out for the bodies falling off the rungs.

3. Women in chick flicks that sleep around HAVE STD'S.
I hate to break it to you, but it's impossible not to have contracted something from bar-hopping and bed-banging. Those movies attempt to depict happy sex jaunts and one night stands, but the truth is that these women have nothing left to offer of themselves when they finally meet the man of their dreams. They have a wedding and a honeymoon, and then what? Do they get to finally explore their sexuality in the context of marriage? No, because they already gave up half the fun-mystery. The mystery of exploration in a marriage bed is saved for exactly that-marriage, and these women are lying to themselves and everyone else if they think sleeping around brings eternal bliss one day.

2. In the real world, all women do not have perfect bodies.
Let's face it ladies. When we watch chick flicks, we compare our own bodies and mindsets to the ones we see on the big screen. Why, then, do we catch ourselves coming up short time and again when we seem to have let "the big fish" get away? Because in the movies we have just finished watching, the perfect women gets the guy! uh... hello. That simply means that only perfect women are able to screw up and still come out on top. Pun intended.

1. You cannot bake a cake, write a news article, or buy a gift to achieve a happy ending.
The movie industry has fooled women into thinking they can buy a happy ending. So many times our heroine has screwed up but fallen in love, thinking their lover can forget the past if only they...write a news article about them? Buy them a car? Rebuild a childhood doll house? come on now. This is reality! In reality, if you screw up AND are ugly?! There is no hope for you. MAYBE if you happen to have ALL of the above four things right as well- perfect body, sleep around w/out STDs, office friends, and remaining friends from your childhood, you can leave a baked cake in the shape of a carrot, hoping your true love will EAT his way into eternal bliss. After all, movies teach us that the way to a man's heart is through his... stomach...right.

Monday, May 2, 2011

"It's So Lonely When You Don't Even Know Yourself."

Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing,
Only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness;
So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another,
Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

Nothing can describe the loneliness of the night. The day may bring faint shadows of memories, but nothing pours hot oil on the soul like the dusk and evening. Every breath is a struggle, every minute is agony when faced with the memories of loss and imperfection.
Nothing can compare to the realization of aloneness. When the world has finally decided to pass you by, content with the juice of life that they have squeezed from their time with you; when those you have called friends cease to recognize your importance on his hallowed ground we call earth; when your very own life caves in upon itself, revealing failure after failure until you're left with absolutely nothing.
Nothing can shape a soul like loneliness. No matter how long it lasts, life becomes broken when those who suffer from this melancholy disease feel alone.

To those who have left me behind:
I will never forgive you.
To those who have found my life too trivial for their own:
I will never forget you.
To those who see through me:
You should be ashamed of yourself. I'm right here. I've been here this whole time.
To those who have judged me:
You hold the right of one who is judged by God, not others.
To those who pretend they love me:
Don't bother. It's so transparent, I could use it as my sliding glass window.

To those who have stuck by me:
You will never know how close I was.
You alone have saved me.

To my ultimate Savior, Jesus Christ:
You paid my price.
You set me free.
You've understood
My agony.
Most Holy One,
Accept my cry.
Thank you for
this gift of life.