Thursday, December 29, 2011


21 things I love about living:

21. That feeling you get when you win.
20. Pugs.
19. Knowing that no matter how many times you mess up, you get another chance at life itself.
18. Song choruses.
17. Sitting in my car and feeling like the world is ending, then getting out of my car feeling okay.
16. I love lights.
15. A hug that changes my world, if only for two minutes.
14. Getting a random text from someone I care about.
13. Poetry.
12. Singing a worship song, and having it be your prayer.
11. The ability to love, no matter how afraid I am of it.
10. The smell of roses.
9. Closing my eyes and simply imagining.
8. Playing my piano.
7. Seeing a freshly dragged softball field.
6. Learning something that changes my whole outlook on life.
5. Listening to someone who needs help.
4. Standing in the middle of a hailstorm.
3. Looking at old pictures of friends.
2. Being told I'm important.
1. Finding purpose.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I am saved, I am being saved, and I will be saved.

"However, if the men of Corinth are looking to follow the path of Christ, and are looking for ways to set their hearts right and become human, then their immature humanity has a hope that can be found through Christ. The path of Christ follows the thought process “I am saved, I am being saved, and I will be saved.” This path maintains that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He has saved us in the past by dying on the cross, He saves us from the sin we commit every day, and He will continue to save us from now until eternity. One might think that Paul wrote them, saying they were mere men in the hope that even though he considered them as human, they would grow and mature over time, thereby becoming human, in the same way that Jesus Christ has become our Savior."

Friday, November 18, 2011


When I look outside, I see that the world is finally in tune to my heart. The pounding of ice hitting a undeserved asphalt floor, the cold and unfeeling wind biting those who face it, the rain struggling to regain its upper hand in the fight for precipitation makes me feel at peace. Finally the sky understands the angry denial and storm that reaches down to my very bones.
Why would I choose hail?
It represents me.
The hailstorm of anger and arrogance parades in my soul.
My mind is that pounding ice, telling me that I'm not good enough.
My heart is that stinging wind, howling at those who have hurt me.
But my soul is that rain, fighting to regain ground. My soul softly comes around after the outbreak of the ice and wind. My soul reminds me that I am enough for the world around me.
And just as the sun breaks as the rain softly falls and the hail abates, so does the love that I cannot see. It permeates my center, spreading until all is silent except His words: I love you, my child. Come home.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Rainy Day

Rainy Day Playlist:

1. Crack the Shutters- Snow Patrol
you know that feeling when you first wake up, and all you want to do is snuggle? This is by far the BEST song for that.

2. Kiss Quick- Matt Nathanson
It's a "driving and contemplating" song, to be sure. The words sound like breezy clouds.

3. Wondering Where You Are -Tyrone Wells
It's just one of those songs that you can take a nap to.

4. Out of Breath -Jared Lee
This is a thunderstorm song. It makes me so angry, and yet it's so beautiful.

5. Closing Time -Alex Goot (he's not the original, but the COVER is on the playlist.)
One word for his voice - soothing.

6. Paradise -Coldplay
Every rainy day is paradise.

7. Baby Blue Eyes -A Rocket to the Moon
I don't know, it just sounds like rain.

Sometimes songs speak feelings that the mouth could never say. And sometimes life is just a thunderstorm away. <3

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Imagine That.

The world at fingertips bent

Will for'er be out of reach.
And life was never meant
for falsehoods that we preach.

"The hurt will always go away,
The hope will soon be found."
Lies just meant to save the day
that fall into the ground.

Incite some raw emotion hence
Or dust will cleave to dust.
All that's worse than feeling sense
Is knowing naught at all.

There are no ways to stay the same
Change is always nigh;
And knowing it's not self to blame
Relieves a single sigh.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

A Pre-Raphaelite Fascination with Arthuriana

Willows whiten, aspens quiver,
Little breezes dusk and shiver
Through the wave that runs for ever
By the island in the river
Flowing down to Camelot.
Four gray walls, and four gray towers,
Overlook a space of flowers,
And the silent isle imbowers

The Lady of Shalott.
-Alfred, Lord Tennyson.

I hope nobody compares themselves to the Lady of Shalott. Her story is so sad and tortured, one just has to feel for her. She offers her life to the man she loves, who has given her good reason that he loves her back. I mean, come on. If you give a girl good reason, at least make an effort. But when Elaine of Astolat begs him to stay and marry her, he refuses due to his love for Guinevere (Arthur's wife). First of all, Elaine should never have begged. I bet he was giving her some hints, like not answering her calls, maybe not texting her back all the time, hanging out with the guys late at night, coming in with lipstick on the collar, and the scent of Calvin Klein's "F&S" (fine and smooth) hanging in the air. She should have guessed. Second of all, Lancelot totally led her on. I mean, we all know those Frenchmen; they like the chase. They toy with you, they say they love you, they say you're the only one they'll ever want, and then they leave you. Even still, it doesn't mean you have to go throw yourself in a boat, play dead, and float in front of his castle. I mean, come on Elaine! It's not going to bring him back. If anything, it's going to bring you a restraining order. I understand where you're coming from, I really do. But couldn't you have at least exacted revenge? Everyone in history feels so bad for you, when you could have just stuck up for yourself and maybe found love elsewhere. Mordred, perhaps?

Thursday, August 25, 2011


It's too dark to find new sights,

And the past is far behind.
There's no point in breathing light,
When blackness shrouds the mind.

Why leave taking risks to chance,
When the end is always near.
How fire fails to sing and dance,
It never leaves so clear.

The empty mists of past regrets
Are never hard to find
Had soul and spirit never met
With memories that bind.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Lift My Feet

Master hands, they hold my ties
They alone know truth and lies.
Master fingers, guide my way
I know I won't be gone astray.

Master mind, know my thoughts
Clear my head to take the shot.
Master heart, make me pure
There is no other with the cure.

Lift my hands, for they are weak.
They do not know how to be meek.
Lift my feet, for they are tired
They never can escape the mire.

Lift my heart, for it is low
Fight the grief that can explode.
Lift my spirit, keep it light
Your joy can penetrate the night.

And if I ever fall away,
Know my sin won't let me stay.
Yeshua Hamashiach.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Move Me

It's time to leave.

To go somewhere new.
My feet are waiting
To be told what to do.

My body is ready,
Yet the problem remains
My heart beats not steady
And my brain cannot move.
These thoughts ensnare the issue at hand.
Am I to die without taking a stand?

New horizons stay inches ahead
I always let others go in my stead.
The glue that holds me sticks to me fast,
These tangles and webs all cling to my past.

Why can't I escape this?
Why can't I move on?

I know in my mind that I haven't done wrong.
It is others that blinded my hopes and my dreams,
nothing I did tore my life off the seams.
The cycle continues,
The drama lives on.

One thing I keep: I'll always be strong.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Be Bigger Than Idiots.

You know those idiots that use their blog to vent about how much they hate their lives?

I could never be one of those anymore. I've read too much boring crap on blogs about people who are extremely self-absorbed, and I've realized how unfulfilling it is to live a life like that. It's one thing to blog about your day, about the events that shape you; however, it's a complete other thing to rant ON AND ON AND ON about events that are MEANINGLESS to others! If you want to talk about yourself, make it private. Write about those events, but don't interest us with a blog that promises creativity and originality only to crumble into the facade of endless raves. You'd be an idiot.

You know those idiots that comment anonymously?
GOSH. If you're not brave enough to say it to the world with your name stamped on it, don't say it at all! I am the first to say that I have commented twice anonymously on blogs: once to back up a friend that needed backing up, and once as a joke on my brother's wall when he obviously knew it was me. Both times I have admitted it was me. I'm talking about the trash talking, evil-spreading, scandalous comments that have people scratching their heads and wondering what kind of idiot would post something
without their name on it. I'm tired of blame shifting due to anonymity. Be brave. Be bold. Be bigger than anonymous comments. Don't be an idiot.

You know those idiots that use blogs as their own personal vendetta?
I'm not gonna lie right now. I've had a few vendetta blogs. Not to any extreme with names listed and obvious vendettas revealed, but there have been a few minor rants. However, I'm talking about people who make it their day's goal to make it KNOWN that they hate certain people. How lame can you be, writing a vendetta on a BLOG? Like it's gonna get optioned to be a movie script. "ehmagawd, can you believe how lame ***** is? it's like.. ehmagawd. they WANT ME. they so want me." dude... they're idiots.

You know those idiots that blog about their babies?
Okay, that's cute.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

P.S. We Hate You.

5 Things that Chick Flicks Lie About:

5. People going their late twenties and thirties do NOT remain friends with their childhood friends.
That seems to be a common practice in chick flicks: to remain best friends with girls you've known from your childhood that you can still gossip with and trust. Honestly, in the real world that doesn't happen. People grow up and forget about each other for the sake of new friends and boyfriends. suck it up, girls. it happens.

4. People who have white collar jobs are NOT friends with their co-workers and office assistants.
Honestly, who are they trying to fool? No matter what, people do NOT want to take their jobs home, even if they have caring friends at work. The only thing people care about is themselves, especially in a work oriented environment. Climb the corporate ladder and watch out for the bodies falling off the rungs.

3. Women in chick flicks that sleep around HAVE STD'S.
I hate to break it to you, but it's impossible not to have contracted something from bar-hopping and bed-banging. Those movies attempt to depict happy sex jaunts and one night stands, but the truth is that these women have nothing left to offer of themselves when they finally meet the man of their dreams. They have a wedding and a honeymoon, and then what? Do they get to finally explore their sexuality in the context of marriage? No, because they already gave up half the fun-mystery. The mystery of exploration in a marriage bed is saved for exactly that-marriage, and these women are lying to themselves and everyone else if they think sleeping around brings eternal bliss one day.

2. In the real world, all women do not have perfect bodies.
Let's face it ladies. When we watch chick flicks, we compare our own bodies and mindsets to the ones we see on the big screen. Why, then, do we catch ourselves coming up short time and again when we seem to have let "the big fish" get away? Because in the movies we have just finished watching, the perfect women gets the guy! uh... hello. That simply means that only perfect women are able to screw up and still come out on top. Pun intended.

1. You cannot bake a cake, write a news article, or buy a gift to achieve a happy ending.
The movie industry has fooled women into thinking they can buy a happy ending. So many times our heroine has screwed up but fallen in love, thinking their lover can forget the past if only they...write a news article about them? Buy them a car? Rebuild a childhood doll house? come on now. This is reality! In reality, if you screw up AND are ugly?! There is no hope for you. MAYBE if you happen to have ALL of the above four things right as well- perfect body, sleep around w/out STDs, office friends, and remaining friends from your childhood, you can leave a baked cake in the shape of a carrot, hoping your true love will EAT his way into eternal bliss. After all, movies teach us that the way to a man's heart is through his... stomach...right.

Monday, May 2, 2011

"It's So Lonely When You Don't Even Know Yourself."

Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing,
Only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness;
So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another,
Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

Nothing can describe the loneliness of the night. The day may bring faint shadows of memories, but nothing pours hot oil on the soul like the dusk and evening. Every breath is a struggle, every minute is agony when faced with the memories of loss and imperfection.
Nothing can compare to the realization of aloneness. When the world has finally decided to pass you by, content with the juice of life that they have squeezed from their time with you; when those you have called friends cease to recognize your importance on his hallowed ground we call earth; when your very own life caves in upon itself, revealing failure after failure until you're left with absolutely nothing.
Nothing can shape a soul like loneliness. No matter how long it lasts, life becomes broken when those who suffer from this melancholy disease feel alone.

To those who have left me behind:
I will never forgive you.
To those who have found my life too trivial for their own:
I will never forget you.
To those who see through me:
You should be ashamed of yourself. I'm right here. I've been here this whole time.
To those who have judged me:
You hold the right of one who is judged by God, not others.
To those who pretend they love me:
Don't bother. It's so transparent, I could use it as my sliding glass window.

To those who have stuck by me:
You will never know how close I was.
You alone have saved me.

To my ultimate Savior, Jesus Christ:
You paid my price.
You set me free.
You've understood
My agony.
Most Holy One,
Accept my cry.
Thank you for
this gift of life.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Behind You

Sometimes it’s too much

And sometimes i can’t breathe

When your words for her

Came crashing down on me

I know you didn’t mean to

And I know this should be done

But I can’t help but think

Were we ever meant to be?

All my questions leave

And all my thoughts go south

From a single problem

One little memory.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

i believe in independence, dawg.

'nuff said.
Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

word to your revolutionized mothers.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

password: tralexx

You won't regret it.

Sunday, February 20, 2011


There are so many wonderful things I could say about this video. For example, the person that first comes to mind when I hear it. The person who got me interested in Lady Gaga. The person who would post Lady Gaga songs on my facebook because she knew about the energy that belonged to Lady Gaga and the lyrics that required more than an ounce of brain power to listen to. The person who I thought was there for me and I thought I was there for them.
You've left me speechless.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

don't even get me started about her.

it happens every time.
I love the friendship, it leaves me wanting more..
and then those words: what do you think about her?


Friday, February 4, 2011

Promise me... When this one's right.. Don't throw it all away.

Does he watch your favorite movies?

Does he hold you when you cry?

Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts when you've seen it a million times?

Does he sing to all your music while you dance to Purple Rain?

...Will he make you feel like you're invincible with every word he'll say?