What do you do when you look in the mirror
And staring at you is why he's not here?

Lobsteria Hysteria

Once upon a time there was a small town by a beach, by the name of SuperSalad. The main population of the town was sand crabs, and they lived quite peacefully and happily. The king sand crab, who's name was Foo-Man-Chu, was a fearless leader who kept the SuperSalad economy thriving. His wife, Ellemenopee, however, was a brooding sand crab who always looked like she was hiding something. The only problem with SuperSalad was that it was occasionally attacked by vicious lobsters. Not only were these lobsters extremely violent when they attacked, they required the poor SuperSaladians to pay a tribute of Five sand crabs a year to work as slaves in Lobsteria, the lobster's mining detention center. Because this ridiculous tribute had gone on for about 25 years, the SuperSalad population was dwindling because there was less male sand crabs for fertilize the female sand crab eggs. To make matters worse, Queen Ellemenopee refused to lay any eggs to have an heir. She claimed that laying eggs would destroy her girlish figure, and King Foo-Man-Chu would leave her, despite his protests. "You are beautiful no matter what, Ellie," he would plead. "It's the inside that counts." But despite his pleas and requests, Queen Ellemenopee continued to take her egg control, thereby achieving her self-proclaimed barrenness. One day a letter was sent to King Foo-Man-Chu requiring the yearly tribute. However, instead of the usual depression the King felt when receiving these letters, the king felt a spurt of rebellion streak through him, and he called the elder sand crabs for a meeting. He quickly explained his plan. "Instead of waiting for the lobsters to attack us, lets face them head on and organize an invasive strike! We can defeat them if we take them by surprise!!" The elders murmured in disagreement. "We are not strong enough," Velcro, the oldest said. "We will be destroyed." The rest of the elders nodded their heads in agreement, and then one spoke. "Maybe if we had one to challenge as a champion we would survive, but who?" The king considered this. "Maybe we could hold a tryout of all the able-bodied men in the city, and see who prevails," he said. And so the date was set for the tryout. Letters were sent to the furthest parts of SuperSalad, and soon it became the talk of the town. The letters stated that the only requirements were that the participant must be able bodied, and it must hate the Lobsterians. The day of the tryout, hundreds of able bodied sand crabs lined up outside of the arena, where the tournament tryout was to be held. All the participants wore helmets, and all were prepared. Once all the spectators were seated in the arena, the procession of hopefuls entered the ring, and King Foo-Man-Chu stood, his Queen beside him. He quickly explained the rules. "Basically, we are going to be playing an extremely large game of Simon Says," he said. "The winner will challenge Lobsteria." The audeince leapt excitedly to their claws as the first instructions were given. "Simon Says...dance! Simon says.... dance on one foot! Stop dancing!" As the instructions continued to be called, more and more sand crabs were called out until there were few remaining. Queen Ellemenopee became noticeably more excited as the last five stood in the arena. Instruction after instruction was called, but the contestants did not waver. Finally the king spoke. "We will now move on to the second aspect of the tournament, which is agility and flexibility. Get ready for a game of twister!" The contestants jumped up and down excitedly. As the matt was laid out for twister, four of the five sand crab contestants suddenly started choking and coughing. Slowly they fell to the ground on their backs, and it was mere minutes before they were dead. Only one remained, and when it took off it's helmet, the crowd gasped to see a female sand crab standing before them. As she stood there with her head held high, the audience began to murmur amongst themselves. Offhanded comments were thrown out, such as "its a girl!" and "she doesn't belong here." The elders conferred amongst themselves, and reconvened to have King Foo-Man-Chu make an announcement. "We have decided that there is nothing left to do but have this young lady challenge the Lobsterians. What is your name?" The girl bravely lifted her chin and yelled out for the world to hear: "My name echoes throughout eternity. It is a source of fear, and yet a source of awe and wonder. It is SnoopDiggity." The crowd looked at her blankly. One single voice yelled out, "Really!?" and the entire audience cracked up laughing. Surprisingly, however, SnoopDiggity was not to be deterred. She puffed up her chest and yelled out, "I will defeat any and all Lobsterians! I will journey faithfully to find them!" A sharp brooding voice was heard clearly over the roar. "You will not have to look far to find a lobster, little one." Everyone turned to see Queen Ellemenopee had risen to her full height. "I am Queen of the Lobsters. All will die after I kill this peeon." The crowd was frozen in shock and was quiet. Only King Foo-Man-Chu dared to speak. "You...you traitor!" Queen Ellemenopee scoffed and shrugged off her outer garment, revealing her true lobster self underneath. "Prepare to die, little one!" SnoopDiggity prepared for battle. The two met on the floor of the arena and circled each other. Both struck their claws where they could, and for a while it seemed as though Queen Ellemenopee was gaining the upper hand. SnoopDiggity faltered, but did not go down completely as Queen Ellemenopee struck again and again. All of a sudden, quick as lighting, SnoopDiggity's sword flashed, and Queen Ellemenopee went down, half of her body strewn across the arena. Miraculously, the queen was still alive, but SnoopDiggity had her sword poised over the kill spot. She looked up at King Foo-Man-Chu, but he was too busy grieving over the queen. SnoopDiggity decided to finish it herself. She looked down at Ellemenopee and said, "Be free." The final stroke hit, and SuperSalad was free. The next week, all the tributed sand crabs were brought back to SuperSalad, and the town of SuperSalad lived Lobsteria free for the rest of their days.
The End.

Answer Me

Four days without crying, Two without tearing up.

It doesn't mean I don't want to. It just means i don't know what to do. I don't want people randomly coming up to me and squeezing my shoulders while asking, "Are you okay?" I'm not okay. You should know that. I refuse to just "get over" it.

But at the same time, why shouldn't i be able to get over it? Why should I feel this worthless and unwanted?

Dear God,
Please fix me. I realize now that this has been your plan all along: to make me so broken that I have nothing left except you. I realize that you have such an amazing plan for my life, but the hurt I'm feeling makes me feel so helpless. Please give me the strength and understand to let the hurt be given to you. I can't do this on my own, God. I can't be strong anymore. I can't be myself without You. Put me back together again, and teach me not to be strong on myself. I see now the love that you have shown me this whole time. Your footsteps have been walking, not mine. Keep carrying me, God. I dont want to touch the sand. I'm not ready for that. Hold me high above the waves that threaten to crash my world and my sanity. Your will be done, Father, not mine.
Love, Trinity.

Start the crying record over again. Day 1.

I've set a new record: Five days in a row of crying.

Why Don't You Come

chorus of the day =)

Why don't you come and go with me
Somehow i know i've waited my whole life to see
You standing there with the wind in your hair
I'm as sure as a boy could be.
You are the girl that's been running around in my dreams.

Why don't you come and go with me?
Somehow I know this changes everything
You're standing here
It's crystal clear
I'm as sure as a boy could be
You are the girl that's been running around in my dreams