Answer Me

Four days without crying, Two without tearing up.

It doesn't mean I don't want to. It just means i don't know what to do. I don't want people randomly coming up to me and squeezing my shoulders while asking, "Are you okay?" I'm not okay. You should know that. I refuse to just "get over" it.

But at the same time, why shouldn't i be able to get over it? Why should I feel this worthless and unwanted?

Dear God,
Please fix me. I realize now that this has been your plan all along: to make me so broken that I have nothing left except you. I realize that you have such an amazing plan for my life, but the hurt I'm feeling makes me feel so helpless. Please give me the strength and understand to let the hurt be given to you. I can't do this on my own, God. I can't be strong anymore. I can't be myself without You. Put me back together again, and teach me not to be strong on myself. I see now the love that you have shown me this whole time. Your footsteps have been walking, not mine. Keep carrying me, God. I dont want to touch the sand. I'm not ready for that. Hold me high above the waves that threaten to crash my world and my sanity. Your will be done, Father, not mine.
Love, Trinity.

Start the crying record over again. Day 1.