I Never Would

I will always be strong.

I have to be strong.

It's who I am. 

Even when it feels like this: 

"When the concepts of love and hate become nothing more than wishful thinking because you simply can't imagine something greater than sadness and inadequacy.

When you will literally do anything to feel alive- if only for ten minutes.

When you're afraid to go to sleep because you know you'll be crushed that you woke up in the morning.

When you don't understand why you are here; and that you know that you are breathing the air that belongs to someone else. 

When getting up to eat becomes too much of a chore; and when you convince yourself to eat, you loathe your body for betraying you into doing the one thing that makes you feel worse.

When you know that you are the only one who feels this way; and when you know that it makes you alone.

I hate myself tonight. 

I hate myself for needing to make choices in the moment. 

I hate the choices that I've made.

I hate the people who have hurt me.

But most of all, I hate myself because I hurt myself."

Even when it feels like that, I know that I am strong enough to live to fight another day.