eeny meeny i wrote a poem!!!

this one that i wrote is very interesting. i wrote it first, and then i decided that the lines were all mixed up. this is my first rendition.

Here I am, what's left I miss
Lost in agony over that last kiss
Why does it take so much out
My soul is left with so much doubt
Forget it.

Lose me, drop me, keep me not
You don't need anything to do with me
Hold me, embrace me, a love
I'm so confused


and the second rendition:

Here I am, what's left I miss
Lose me, drop me, keep me not
Lost in agony over that last kiss
You don't need anything to do with me
Why does it take so much out
Hold me, embrace me, a love
My soul is left with so much doubt
Forget it
I'm so confused

i'm tired of being forgotten.

you want to know what i'm tired of? i'll tell you. i'm tired of being forgotten.
i get taken advantage of in so many freaking ways. i hate that when i move away,
people forget there ever was a trinity cuff. especially when it's people who have claimed
to be my best friend. what freaking liars they are. they don't care about me. why do i have
to be the one who works hard for my friends? for once, can't they see that i am ALL ALONE?
alone. i never truly understood the meaning of that word until i voluntarily left, and in-
voluntarily became abandoned. that is not what i signed up for. once my friends realized
the novelty of a long distance relationship was wearing off, they forgot me. do they really
think that i'll be happy to know that? oh yay! i dont have any more friends! no wonder
i wanted a boyfriend. someone who is there for me when friends leave. someone who doesn't
forget about me, because i kiss him and give him tingly feelings. oh sorry friends. sorry i can't give you tingly feelings, because apparently that's the only way you won't forget
about me, right? wrong. friends are supposed to be there through thick and thin. THICK AND THIN. where is that. tell me? we're in the thin. where are the supposed best friends? gone.
they forgot me.


and you know what? if the friends that i am talking about read this, they are going to be pissed and they are going to claim being busy. and that's fine. but you know what? that's a lie. because it is not hard to text. it is not hard to leave a comment on a survey. it is not hard to have a five minute phone call. i'm done trying. and i'm pissed. and i NEVER get pissed. i live my life in such a way that i have no reason to be pissed. life is too short to get upset over petty offenses, but don't lie to me and tell me you care when you so obviously don't.

i'm hanging out.. another day.

Wanna know what bothers me about Simpson University? The lack of focus on Jesus during chapel. I mean, they focus on his love, they focus on his grace, they focus on his sacrifice, but they are unable to place the focus on God Himself, who is the primary reason we are here on this earth in the first place. All chapels are basically shallow doctrine of how God loves us, but there is nothing about the very deity and amazingness of God himself.



anyway, yea. i just wanted to mention that. i'm kicking butt by the way at 6 ams. HAHA not. maybe today was a little better than tuesday, but i still need to kick it up a notch. the sprints were actually kinda fun, not gonna lie. hahaha what a nerd i am.



oh. ps. i unpacked the box. :) go me.



and i know i keep putting this pic up again. but i love god's mercy in a daily reminder.

i still have to unpack the box.

yea. you heard me. the box that got sent here LAST TUESDAY is still sitting here in the middle of mine and lauren's dorm room. i have the laziest butt on campus. i hate hanging things up and it has like five things left in it, lol.. but still. i HATE hanging things up.

i love my boyfriend. he left me the cutest facebook message, haha. it always happens when i get irritated at him or something, and then he just does something that makes me go awww.

so me and lauren have taken a new course in our therapy. we pass a certain pillow if we want to speak to each other. this really works, especially when we really just want to tear each other's hair out.


sidenote. we've never actually fought.


anyway, i had a really good convo with one of my best friends last night and i have decided to be less of a control freak. i'm hella pushy. that should stop.

aight. i'mma go unpack that box now. no new songs of the week for you. :( i apologize. too scatterbrained.

I'm Just Left

Thinking of things left unsaid
My thoughts destroy whats in my head
The need to see you floods me
And i am lost

Each moment i come, you go
Each moment i am, you cannot be
Every time i try to draw you close
I come up empty

Thinking of things that got in our way
The chance of being with you is gone
Its all i can do to beg you to stay
But you just leave

spirals

sometimes we view god as less than who he is. As he is the Trinity, He has three persons that are Him. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. But each of these forms of God are fully God, and yet they always are. They are not triplets, and they do not shapeshift. hehe. Do you realize how impossible it is to wrap our minds around that concept? God is three, but at the same time, there is only one God. The paradox is amazing, but somehow, it makes sense, and i am comforted. Maybe my mustard seed is growing.

okay. one more thing.
you know what? it's so true. i am worth waiting for until i get married. Anybody who says different doesn't respect me for who i am. Boy or Girl. People who don't respect my decisions DO NOT respect me.
no matter what i say, no matter what i do, there will always be a part of me still in love with you.

TO DO LIST:
fix car.
buy books
get boxes
run
get toothbrush holder
write in blog :)
talk to financial lady
change major and minor
class at six
call coach
throw
get gym membership
send mom's book. :)

http://www.serving-humanity.net/images/ways/miracle.jpg

thinking of you without a car.

so i think that i have a new song of the week. idk. it has nothing to do with me or anything, i just like the way it's sung. its called thinking of you by katy perry. idk. lol i like it.

okay so anyway, yesterday me and lauren went to a different city than the current one we live in, and it was fun :). hehe i love being sober. it gives me a sense of power. hahaha other ppl are like.. WHOA i'm drunk.. and i'm like.. HAHA sucks to be you!!! hehehe. we walked around for a while, saw police men on horses... that was interesting. the horses had like white feet. or hooooooves. or whatever. the beefizzle sent me some cute texts. :) he wants to visit me. that would be nice.

i wonder why i have trouble talking to him on the phone? i mean, we both speak english. i guess i just hate this : "what? oh yea. oh wait you go first.. uh huh.. yea. oh. wait. yea. no what?? wait i can't hear you.." so annoying. especially with people i love. its obnoxious when you're trying to have a conversation.

school starts tomorrow. i'm kinda excited for my psych and english class. just thought i'd mention that since i AM going to college. haha.


i hope my car gets fixed too. bleh without a car.

First Day of School.

I feel like i'm going to kindgergarten, except on the way to kindergarten, your car breaks down. oh. and when you leave for kindergarten, you must leave at five am to be on time. sucks to be me. i have arrived at my school.. happy and headachy.. with a mother in tow. and a true friend as my roommate. that's pretty much cool. not gonna lie.. it would be perfect if it was anywhere but cowtown, usa.

anyway. song of the week is called "taking you with me" by relient k... its a perfect school love song. :) tell me if you like it!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrsWAuBt8iM