love the bible. lol

hey.

i'm sick. i have a bleeding boogery nose. isn't that cute??
i'm giving a bible study tonight.. over 1 corinthians 9: 24-27
i'm really excited about it. i think its gonna be helpful for someone tonight. its like God told me what to say. so yea. read it. especially if ur an athlete. haha
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20corinthians%209&version=NIV

should be fun.
i look pretty cute tonight, though, for being a lame sick girl. hahahaha aight toodles.

imma be straight up pissed with this here paranormal activity. haha

so tonight i went to go see this movie paranormal activity.

definitely the first that i've seen of its kind... freakin scariest movie ever. so realistic, and the fact that demons are real is pretty intense..
bleh.

too many dark thoughts in my head.

lets think positively.
you know, i'm really proud of my decision not to drink. i don't judge people who do, and i'm more than willing to discover what the stuff tastes like, but i don't want to be someone who drinks at a party. idk why, i just like being lucid, i guess. haha.


he better text me tomorrow with a good explanation for why he cannot text or call back tomorrow. or imma be straight up pissed.

he is just not that into you

Have you guys ever seen the movie "he's just not that into you"? that movie changed my life. there were many characters and some of them were not people i'd befriend.. haha but the one underlying tone is what caught my attention.

life changing. did you hear me? listen close. this is my life's epiphany.

"you are not the exception to the classic love story, you are the rule. if a guy doesn't want to get a hold of you, he will make up every excuse in the book to get out of it. if a guy DOES want to get a hold of you, no excuse or situation will be able to stop him from calling you."

think about that. let it soak.

stop telling yourself that he hasn't called you because he's been busy, or on vacation, or going to school and is working on stuff. So are you, and you've had time to think about him. All guys think about is their friends, sports, tv, sex, and sleep. if they are christians, they add God into the mix. it's true. you need to think about this and TRY to dispute me wrong.

watermelonny cards.

nothing to write at the moment. sometimes, you know when you have too many thoughts in your head, you just can't get them out? yea. i'm getting one of those this week. i'm in a good mood, but the words just aren't coming out.



i love life. and i love redding, california. joy sent me a nice card today. thanks, joy. :)

so did alyssa greenblatt. a nice watermelonny card. haha.

go away demon of doubt!

my heart hurts for kids who are lost. i was thinking about columbine highschool today, about those poor kids who went through and shot all the kids. i actually visited columbine. its impossible to walk around the campus without getting chills. Then the memorial site is just so.. touching. its impossible to be someone who doesn't care about what happened, no matter what religion you are, no matter what you believe. There is so much leading up to what actually happened, that God's hand was in the situation, its impossible to see otherwise.
The two girls, cassie bernall and rachel scott, were so brave. how is it possible for anybody to be that brave? that with a gun pointed at their heads, they chose the right path. how much more does that make me want to choose the right path, to have that bravery and courage. they each wrote books, or actually books were written posthumously about them, and they are such touching books. They really reach down into the soul. man. they are good.
man. i'm a downer today.
i had some other downer things today happen too. they kinda sucked. they're not something i wanna announce to the world, but suffice it to say i just keep getting doubts. maybe i got a demon somewhere around my head plaguing me. that would really suck. hhahaha.

quiet my soul

still raining. still unattrative. haha i gave an announcement in chapel today about my student athlete ministries me and josh are running so i got all dressed up.. haha. in the wind. i wore a skirt. real smart trinity.

so i was thinking with lauren. i was thinking about my boyfriend, as usual, and i was thinking about how unfair i am to him, that i live 540 miles away, and i say that he still is with me. are we still together even though we live so stinking far? i mean the promise to stay faithful and to continue the relationship is so hard; i mean, i'm faithful, and i have no intentions of being anything different, but i have no idea how hard it is for him, i bet. i mean, he's a good lookin guy, and i bet there's a lot of good lookin ladies who DON'T live 540 miles away who are probably a lot sweeter and prettier than i am. u know? idk. whatever. we're talking about it right now, cuz i just feel SO bad.

yea. just thought i'd put this on the blog. seemed like a good idea.

song of the week. actually its the pondering song of the week.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3k1rJOQPdY

according to my calculations..

huh. the day i get back to my favorite city in the world, it becomes a POURING rainstorm. yes! i just love drowning in a sea of raindrops! ah, well. its not my fault im still in a good mood and had the best weekend of the year due to some well placed family and friends. oh, btw dad. good sermon yesterday. interesting too. anyway, yea.

let's write.
what should we write about? idk.


haha lauren.


talk nerdy to me.

hoo-ha hears a horton.

Do you currently have feelings for anybody?
i love my rafael.

What does your last text message say?
aw, thank you girl. :D

Can you have more than one best friend?
definitely.

What are you thinking right now?
i'm blinded by love.

When was the last time you changed in front of someone?
haha everyone knows i do that a lot.

If you could change your eye color would you?
haha.. idk. i kinda like who i am.

you wearing anything that belongs to someone else?
i am :) his sweater.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
no, actually. haha i think he is thinking about world of warcraft. ;)

What is your hair like at the moment?
In a poney

Are you one of those people who are always cold?
i totally am ALWAYS cold.

anyone said they love you in the last week?
definitely. lots of people actually.

When was the last time you talked to your number 1 on top friends?
i don't have a guy.. i don't think on there...

Who was the last male you talked to?
haha g-g-g-gian..

Why did you last laugh?
haha when i'm with my family we laugh all the time, oh and when i was with sharai at walmart. holy crap.

What were you doing at 10am this morning?
gettin ready for church. <3

What are you looking forward to in the next 3 months?
definitely coming back home. haha
Do you remember your dreams?i remembered last nights!! dean was in it!

last movie you watched?
timeline

Do you have your future childrens names picked out?
haha depends on who i marry

Were you happy when you woke up today?
i was overjoyed. beyond overjoyed..

homehomehomehomehomehomehomehome

in case the title doesn't not spell it out for you, i'm going home tomorrow. YES! hahaha i'm so excited. i'm so happy that i can finally see the people that i love and are my true family. Not only am i seeing my family at home, i am seeing my church family, and they have almost been as much as a family to me as the ones i live with all the time. they have always been there for me when my family went through hard times, and i know that if i needed something this very minute, not one of them would hesitate to drive up here and get me the help that i needed. That is true family. I have so many people back home as my safety net, and i do not know what i would do without them. Just a shout out: :) i got my mom, my dad, my brothers, my boyfriend, my best friends sharai and briana, i got my church big sisters joy and misha, i have my aunties, you-k, tensie, karyn smith, ashlee bouzianne, and so many others that i have failed to mention.

im so excited to see everybody :)

song of the week right here! that's whats up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnXrfksTjZ8

i have nothing to argue with today except lazy people.

If i were peter griffin, my gears would be seriously grinded. because i am not peter griffin, i would like to politely discuss and emasculate lazy people. LAZY LITTLE PEOPLE. they think that they are all that, and then when it comes down to it, they are just lazy. i hate them. i work so hard to be mediocre, and they do nothing to think that they are great.

i just almost ate my headphone.

Love is the Reason For Living.

you know what i hate? i hate junior highers and freshman and sophomores in highschool who act wayyy older than they are. that really bothers me. They have so much more life to live, and they act like they are so old and mature. Why don't they act their age?? When i was younger, i was so happy to just go miniature golfing with my dad and mom, and i had an amazing time with them. Nowadays, its almost as if kids go from being twelve to eighteen. Family becomes second string, that boyfriend is sure to last forever, and teenage drinking is the norm. Kids who are like 14 make me feel so inferior because they try so hard to have material wants and they really are just little babies. Another thing that bothers me is that they have these guy problems that really are not problems. They ask things on Yahoo Answers like, "omg i lik dis guy but i em nawt sure if he is da 1" like honestly. do they really think people are their forevers at this age? Forever is a LONG time. I'd rather live my live the way i want to without having to cling to the back of a forever while i'm in highschool, thank you very much. I'm 19 and i am just now realizing what forever could in all actuality be. I could have a future with my boyfriend. How scary is that? i'm not going to go so far as to call him my forever, but i sure as heck love the poor boy. I can also safely say that i finally know what love is. Love is not the fact that someone is there to kiss ur neck and show you some attn by texting you things like :"ilybby" like honestly... love is being there through thick and thin and working through relationship issues. love is knowing that no matter what happens, you always have one person you can go to who doesn't judge who you are and what you do. Love is the reason for living.